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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Top 10 Transportation Woes

The following is by no means an exhaustive list of my peeves related to the transportation system here in Jamaica.  This is simply a reflection of the most annoying grievances-my top 10.

  1. Turn-offs(going a little off route) when I'm late.  The taxi men usually request the turn-offs just before the turn-not initially before they start the ignition-right before they make the swing into wonderland! UGH!
  2. No change.  Hear dem, "Babes, mi jus come pon di route enuh".  Dem tink me can go short di nex driva?  Bout, "Mi can owe yuh?" Hiss teeth. Steups. Whatever yuh waa call it, mi VEX!!!!
  3. Passengers who disembark before the designated stop and take a while to dig into pockets or knee-deep bags to find the money-usually of the large denominator sort, while the taxi is parked in the middle of the road and I'm late(again).  The taxi man of course nuh have no change-refer to number 2 an haffi go mek a spin at a gas station to get di change(WHILE MI LATE).
  4. I hate when you have an overcrowded taxi i.e. three large bodies in the back squishing my body into sausage, then a mawga gyal cotch up inna di front wid har false hair, nails, yeye lash like seh she hot, an jus a stare stare pon harself when people tripe a turn inna salami. 
  5. Oh the pick-ups!! Always when I'm late.  The taxi men stop here, there and every where. Even when the people waving frantically seh NO, dem not coming, dem still a stop. CHO MAN!
  6. Is there a secret rapture for cross-seats?  Please say yes!
  7. What of getting gas on the route?  WHY???
  8. Police man, nuh badda wid di spot check now man, mi late!!!!  Do dat when mi nuh have agenda, like um........,uh......... CHO MAN!
  9. Traffic owing to faasing.  People jus haffi slow dung fi see wha jus happen! Mi naw seh yuh nuffi concerned but....people late man!
  10. Den, who love when yuh siddung pon di cross-seat or yuh in between dat special sandwich we mentioned earlier of two sizeables  an yuh leg dem cramp up so till yuh cyaah even step off when yuh alight from di vehicle.  Yuh jus' halt so.  Man dem yah ting yah mek my nerves dem tan up.
It would be nice to hear a few of your transportation woes.

Comment section below please.

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I am your Jodi :-)

What a gwaan?

"Dis lang time now mi nuh see yuh, come mek wi walk an talk"-Heh-HEY!!!!!!

Whaapen putuses?
Mi miss unuh BAD BAD!

No, mi naw go tell unuh wha a gwaan inna mi life-unoo too faas-a joke yaw!  Y'all know I'm weak to you! Cho!

So mi board a taxi one day laas week, an tek in likkle Christian music offa one CD marked "Natural gospel".  Mi raise mi yeye brow, but den everyting inna Ja is natural: spring water, bag juice, KFC, fowl pill, skin bleach, padded panties (yielding di cock bottom effect), 'tall' hair, yeye lash, finganail, everyting!

Reach a mi destination an siddung fi do mi food handler's training.  Mi learn likkle sinting yes like:

  • Yuh nuffi wash rice wid soap caw rat pee-pee pon di side a di rice bag an yuh a try fi salvage di res' a yuh stock
  • Clarendon and Westmoreland has the highest incidence of Typhoid fever.(Dem nasty-BAD)
  • Fab nuffi wash plate caw di chemical dem too harsh and can cause allergic reaction in some individuals (mi naw seh a dat mek yuh a choke, but go easy pon di Sud-Sud)
  • Don't wash yuh aprons inna di cooking pot
  • If yuh have discahrge coming from outta yuh yeye, ears or nose, yuh nuffi deh roun' a stove (NO COMMENT
Den one ooman siddung an a buss pure laugh TILL di  traina ooman gi out, "Gentlemen, please be advised to wear a beard guard while in the foodservice facility".  Nobaddy else inna di training never have no beard excep' SHE-an is a full plush beard she have too enuh-full a body, jus want a wash an set fi gi it di bounce weh di girl inna di Pantene Pro-V advertisement dem have.

So now mi a head home afta an eventful day.  Little did I know, dah one yah wudda tek di cake!  Hear dis, yes,hear-one dumb man pon di bus a look mi! Him nuh stop jook jook mi inna mi back.  Den him a mek all kinds of gestures weh mi fail fi understand.  Someting like seh him waa carry mi go pon a plane-mark yuh, is a 'ductor bwoy; an den mi aggo live inna farrin wid him weh him have all a him money.  Really?  Mi know seh mi wig never set straight pon mi head, but a so mi look like claffy???  You tell mi dis!!!  Den afta all a dat, him aggo have di nerve fi ask fi mi numba!!!!!  Mista SIR!  How mi aggo hear wah yuh a seh to mi if yuh cyaah talk?  Wah is di purpose of di exchange of numbas.  Mi dis bail offa di bus at first opportunity.

Life is great!!!  Mek wi tek time out fi enjoy di simple pleasures.  They add value to our lives.

Tek care sweeties!

I am your long-lost Jodi